My Thoughts

Wow! Last night after putting the kids to bed, I was getting on the computer and I read on the Yahoo home page that the U.S. killed Osama bin Laden. I rushed to the TV, turned it on and called for Jeremy. I smiled. I wanted to shout out loud. I wanted to run outside and bang pots and pans. I wanted to cry. I wanted to fly an American flag. I think this is the only time in my life that I've been happy to hear someone died. The cynic in me even wondered if this was even real, but rather an attempt to rally a divided country together once again as we were united 10 years ago.

My heart was racing thinking back to that fateful day almost 10 years ago. I don't think I have ever documented my thoughts, and though they are not quite as sharp as they were then, it's amazing how much I can remember.

I remember waking up and getting ready for school. I was 6 months pregnant with Jake, teaching at Emerson and coaching at Mt. View. I came back in our room. Our alarm had gone off and I thought Jeremy had turned the radio from our favorite morning show on KMLE (Ben and Brian), to a.m. talk radio. I was annoyed with him, until I started listening and it began registering what was happening. We quickly turned our TV on and my eyes barely even blinked from then on. What was happening? We watched live as the second plane flew into the tower. It was so grand I couldn't quite grasp it. Then we saw the towers fall to the ground, one at a time. It was gut wrenching. Then the phone calls started. I spoke with my mom and I think Dyan. What? A plane hit the pentagon? It nearly hit The Mall in DC (not realizing it wasn't a shopping mall, but the big field in DC where the monuments are)? A plane was headed for the White House and crashed in a field? The magnitude of what was happening was sinking in. I cried, I worried, I prayed.

I couldn't go to school, not today. I couldn't face my innocent 11 year old students. Did they even know? What was I going to tell them? How was I going to explain how evil people were? Should we watch coverage in class? Should we discuss it? There was a definite soberness in room 30 that day and the days to follow.

I remember the sky being eerily silent as all aircraft had been grounded that day and week. I remember feeling Jake kick and wondering what in the world I was bringing a child into? I remember thinking about Debbie who had just had Durham 5 days earlier, not even realizing that this would eventually take Dale Jr. to Iraq, and later Matt.

I was grateful that all sporting events had been cancelled that day. My brain was too tired to go to practice and it seemed insensitive to try to practice. I needed to veg and stare at the coverage that played over and over and over again.

The whole country was devastated. Patriotism abounded. No matter what, we were all Americans! Flags waved non-stop. We put our paper flag in our window that came in the newspaper. Patriotic songs were played over and over again.

Obviously, I have not forgotten, but time is strange. We all moved on. Since that day, I have had 4 children. I have lived in New York where I got to visit Ground Zero several times and feel the reverence. I have worried for my family. I have miscarried 3 times. I have wondered time and again since then what I'm doing bringing kids into this frightening, mean world. Then I have been amazed at the goodness of people all around. I have voted in 2 more presidential elections. I have wondered why all politicians are so crooked. I have coached my kids teams. I have made a few trips to ER's that somehow remind me of what is important in life. I have been self-centerd. I have been able to serve others. I have been happy, sad, confused, lost, numb and tired.

But last night, seeing the news coverage that the evilest man on earth has been killed, made me overjoyed. It brought back all these feelings and emotions.

I am proud to be an American. I love the freedoms I enjoy here that are nowhere else on earth. I am grateful for all those that have served, sacrificed, and given all they have for me and my greatly blessed life. Those people include, in no particular order: service men and women, especially my brothers and dad, my parents, the prophet, my ancestors, pioneers, my family, Jeremy's family, my kids, friends, neighbors and the list goes on....

God Bless America!