Polyanna, Pioneers and Perspective

I love my mom. She always tried to teach us to be positive, to always look on the bright side of things and always find the good in any situation. Her favorite movie was Polyanna and whenever we got in trouble we had to watch that movie and then play the Glad Game.

In the past few months I have decided to read the Work and the Glory books. I know, I know I'm only about 15 years behind the trend of reading them. Who know maybe in 10 years I'll finally read the Twilight series. Anyway, back on track. I always thought I wanted to be a pioneer. I thought those women were amazing. They worked their buns off and were so faithful. I used to say I could be a pioneer crossing the plains if I had a good pair of running shoes, a good sports bra and tampons. I loved Little House on the Prairie and wanted Laura Ingalls life. I was much younger then. Then I started reading the WatG series and I've seen better what their lives were really like. They suffered so much persecution and pain. Most women lost more than one baby in childbirth and there were so, so, so, many miscarriages. Jake would have never made it through my potentially long childbirth. I was blessed to be in a hospital with a fantastic doctor, heartrate monitors, and a spinal block for my c-section, not ideal, but the outcome was perfect, and the miracle happened 3 more times.

Last night I spent the night cramping and crying as I miscarried at 11 weeks. I cried and cried 'poor me'. Then as I was sitting in the ultrasound room hearing the sad news that I had obviously already figured out - that I'd miscarried, I was overwhelmed with gratitude that I get to live in these days. I was for sure devastated and I will be for a while, but grateful that I could be in a hospital with an IV giving me morphine, a wonderful woman that did my ultrasound (Pam Brown - Abby's friend's mom), very good nurses, a fantastic PA and a supportive husband that was right there for me. In the pioneer days, I'd been soaking my bedding and crying with the other women in the room as Jeremy would have been outside in the other room, the only person I'd really want next to me.

I love that I get to live today. I'm grateful for the conviences that are there for me because as much as I want to believe I'm tough, I'm really a sissy with a very low pain tolerance. I know Heavenly Father saved me for these days. I don't have to suffer the physical difficulties that the pioneer women did, there are other trials for me and my family, but the basics are the same - have faith, hope, love and pray hard. I'm grateful, as I'm trying to be like Polyanna, for my new perspective.